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Una chistecillo

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Re: Una chistecillo

Un divorciado:

'Hoy mi hija cumple 21 años.... y estoy muy contento porque es el último
pago de pensión alimenticia que le doy, así que llamé a mi hijita para que
viniera a mi casa y cuando llegó le dije: 'Hija, quiero que lleves este
cheque a casa de tu mamá y que le digas que...:¡¡¡ Este es el último
maldito cheque que va a recibir de mí en todo lo que le queda de su puta
vida !!!!.... y quiero que me digas la expresión que pone en su rostro.

Así que mi hija fue a entregar el cheque; yo estaba ansioso por saber lo
que la bruja tenía que decir y qué cara pondría. Cuando mi hijita entró le
pregunté inmediatamente:

'¿Qué fue lo que te dijo tu madre?'

'Me dijo muy contenta que estaba esperando este día para decirte ¡¡¡que no
eres mi padre!!!....


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Re: Una chistecillo

Sale un tren de Santiago de Compostela dirección Andalucia.

En un bagon estan un gallego y un sevillano.
El sevillano, tras dos horas de viaje piensa, este gallego, joder, lleva ahi 2 horas y no dice nada, seguro que tonto de remate, aver que dice.
En esto que el sevillano se acerca y le dice al gallego.
Que tal Gallego, a donde vas?
A Sevilla a buscar trabajo que aqui la cosa esta muy mal.
Pues mira gallego, cuando llegues a sevilla, te subes a la giralda, y todo lo que veas alrededor, es mio.
Pues deves ser muy rico tu, que suerte.
pues mira gallego pa que veas que me caes bien, te voi a regalar la mitad.
pero eso no esta bien yo no tengo nada para corresponderte.
que no pasa nada hombre es un regalo por amistad.
pues entonces , le dice el gallego, yo a ti te rregalo esta sarten que me dio mi madre, la verdad es que la sarten no tienne un valor tan grande como lo que tu me regalas, pero tiene el culo de plata.
el culo de plata? dice el sevillano.
si, si por la sarten igual no te dan nada, pero POR EL CULO TE DARAN BASTANTE.


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Re: Una chistecillo

-- Un mono va saltando alegremente por la selva, gritando que se ha cepillado a la leona, en eso que el león se entera y va en busca del mono, cuando lo encuentra , el mono sale disparado para escaparse y el león empieza a perseguirle pasando entre plantas, arbolés, rocas, etc... . En un momento dado el mono pasa por un agujero de un tronco y el león detrás, pero como es más voluminoso se queda encasquillado, sin poder ir 'palante' ni 'patrás' , el mono se percata de ello y se acerca, le dos vueltas al león, se coloca detrás y viendole espatarrado y con el trasero al aire, se le acerca (por la retaguardia) y dice: ¡¡ Lo que voy a hacer ahora si que no se lo va creer nadie!! :lol::lol:


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Re: Una chistecillo

Cuentan que iba un campesino hacia Zaragoza, y se encuentra con Dios. Y le pregunta: A donde vas?, y el contesta: A Zaragoza. Dios le dice: "Será si Dios quiere" y él dice: "Quiera o no, a Zaragoza voy", y le dice Dios: "Mira ese charco, te voy a convertir en rana y estarás ahí 10 años. A los 10 años vuelve a pasar, lo convierte en hombre y le pregunta: A donde vas?, y él vuelve a contestar: A Zaragoza. Será si Dios quiere, y el vuelve a contestar: Quiera o no, a Zaragoza voy. Dios lo vuelve a convertir en rana otros 10 años. Cuando pasan lo vuelve a convertir en hombre y vuelve a preguntar: A donde vas? y el campesino contesta: Al charco.....

:lol: los maños ya se sabe,somos la "reostia" de cabezones!!doy fe... :burla:


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Re: Una chistecillo

Un chico de Madrid salía con una chica catalana y quería casarse con ella.

Para esto tenía que pedirle permiso al padre. Al ir a la casa de ella, el padre le explicó:

- Nosotrus somus catalans de pura sepa y tenimus una manera peculiar
de haser las cosas, si te quieres casar con mi hija tendrás que pasar una prueba. Toma aquesta mansana y mañana vuelves"

El madrileño alucinado salió con la manzana de la casa. Al día
siguiente volvió a la casa a ver al padre.




-Muy bien" dijo el padre, - que hisiste con la mansana?

- Pues me la comí, tenia hambre", respondió el chico.

A lo que el padre le replicó: ¿Ves? muy malament. Nosotrus los catalans pelamos la mansana y con su piel hasemos un licor buenísimo; llavors partimos la mansana en dos, una mitad se la damos a los pobres y la altra la compartimos con nuestra familia y después la mitad de las
semillas las vendemos en el mercado y la altra mitad, cuando tenimos mas, las plantamos.
¿Te das cuenta como somus?, bueno para que veas te daré otra oportunidad, toma este chorisu y vuelve mañana. El madrileño se fue un tanto mosqueado y volvió al día siguiente.




- Muy bien" dijo el padre, "¿que hisiste con el chorisu?"

- Bien, con la cuerda me hice unos cordones para mis zapatos, con la chapita hice un colgante para su hija,luego partí el chorizo por la mitad, una de ellas la corté en rodajas y la repartí entre los pobres y la otra la compartí con mi familia.

- Muy bien, muy bien" dijo el padre; - ¿Y que hiciste con la piel?

- Con la piel me fabriqué un condón, me TIRÉ a su hija y aquí le traigo la leche para que se haga un capuchino.
:lol::plas:


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Re: Una chistecillo

Es tu primera vez.
Al tiempo que te recuestas, tus
músculos se tensan.
Lo apartas por un momento buscando
una excusa,pero el se rehusa a retirarse.
Te pregunta si estas asustada y tu niegas
con tu cabeza. Han tenido mas
experiencia pero esta es la primera vez
que el dedo de el ha encontrando el lugar
correcto profundamente y tu tiemblas, tu
cuerpo se tensa, pero el es
suave tal como había prometido que seria.
Mira profundamente tus ojos y te dice que
confíes en el, el ha hecho
esto muchas veces.
Su sonrisa te relaja y
tu abres mas para darle acceso para
una entrada mas difícil. Tu
comienzas a pedir y rogar que
se apure, pero el lentamente se toma su
tiempo esperando causarte el
menor dolor posible. A medida que el se
acerca y va mas profundo, El dolor
aparece por todo tu cuerpo y
sientes que sale sangre
mientras el continua.
El te mira preocupado y
te pregunta si es muy
doloroso. Tus ojos están
llenos de lagrimas, con
tu cabeza contestas que no y le indicas que
siga adelante.
El empieza moviendo para dentro y para
afuera con habilidad, pero tu
estas demaciado dentro de ti
Después de unos pocos momentos
frenéticos, tu sientes algo que revienta
dentro de ti y el lo jala
hacia afuera, tu te recuestas jadeando y
contenta de que haya
terminado. El te mira y corriendo
cálidamente te dice (riéndose
para si mismo/a) que tu has sido la/el mas
dificultosa pero muy gratificante experiencia.
Tu sonríes y le agradeces a tu dentista.
Después de todo, esta era la primera vez
que te sacaban un diente.
Pervertido(a), yo se que estabas pensando
en otra cosa totalmente
diferente pervertido(a)
(( MAL PENSAD@S )) :lol:


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